The last two weeks have been filled with many emotional days. Between my grandma passing away, Jeremy's great aunt passing away last week and then this week the family from church's baby, we are so drained emotionally. Especially Jeremy, he went to all three funerals. Three funerals in less than two weeks is rough on a person, any person.
I didn't go the baby's funeral yesterday b/c of course, I didn't want to take three children to a graveside service. However, I got to have a talk with Madison all about death instead. We had been helping Jeremy do a bulletin board in the youth room. When we finished we were all leaving the church building at the same time. We were coming home, Jeremy was going to the graveside service. Madison asked Jeremy where he was going. He said just to see some people from church. Well, she kept pushing to know who. So, I finally just said that he was going to see the Beeman's. She must have over heard me talking to people on the phone Monday night when I was calling to get food to the Beemans about a baby boy. Because then she asked where their baby boy was and was daddy going to see the baby boy. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What do you say? There is no getting around this question. So, I just go for it. We talked the whole 15 minutes home about death. Every night for like a week after we got home from Grandma's funeral, she would pray at night that God would let Grandma Colglazier come back so mommy wouldn't be so sad anymore. So, we talked about how people never come back after they die. She asked questions about why Mrs. Stephanie's baby died and then said something about it never happening to mommy b/c her, Emma and Joshua were healthy. So, I then told her that mommy did lose a baby and she has a brother or sister in heaven with Jesus. (She is already crying at this point.) She cries harder and says she wants to die right now so she can go see her brother or sister. I was never so thankful to be home in all my life!!!! She analyzed every answer I said and would ask more questions about whatever. I think I probably said it a good 25-30 times in the 15 minutes home that it is okay to be sad and to miss people we love, but we can also be happy because they are with Jesus now and they are never sad or hurt. WOW!!!
After a good 24 hours to think about it, I think that God was using that to help me be happy my grandma is with him. I have really been angry about him taking her lately. But, I know she is not in pain and is looking down on me and wanting me to be happy because she has received her reward. Next time God, could you please use a different method than an in depth discussion with my five year old on death to help me with my grief? I would really appreciate it!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
The hard questions?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Oh Rachel - what a difficult conversation you had with Madison! And the fact of bringing up losing the baby to Madison brought tears to my eyes as well! Madison has such a tender heart just like her parents. She's going to be a wonderful person!
If I'm not mistaken, I had my first conversation of death with my mom at the age of 5. I told her how scared I was of dying but my mother had to reassure me that it probably won't happen for a long time. I think Madison was old enough to hear that - I know it's hard and you want to protect her from the terrible things in the world.
I hate to tell you this girl but the hard questions are just beginning! But you're a great mom and I know you will be just fine. Love you!
The question i'm not looking forward to: Why does my friend have two mommies or two daddies? ACK. How do you explain loving the person, but not loving what they do to a toddler? although i feel that way about her almost everyday, I'm not sure if she'll get it.
(note to self- find private christian school where likelihood of this happening is close to zero)
Also, Rachel, I think it will mean a lot to Madison (in the future)that you can talk to her about your first pregnancy. I know that it was a life changing experience for you. The fact that you can share it with her is amazing to me. just thought I'd let you know......
Post a Comment