Struggles

I'm really not sure where to even begin. My personal faith has really been struggling so much in the past few months but more so in the last few weeks. I have been trying to handle this burden on my own and the longer it goes on the more I feel like I need to share so other Christians can be praying with us. This has been and still is a long, hard journey. Let me explain---

On April 19th (yes I said April--almost three months ago) the elders asked Jeremy to meet with them on the morning of the 20th. Jeremy had no idea what the meeting was about. What was a little weird was the 20th was a Friday, his typical day off during the week. He was home within 40 minutes of the meeting starting. When I asked him what his meeting was about and how it went all he did was hand me two sheets of paper. One was a letter from the elders asking him to resign effective immediately and the other was a letter of resignation they had already typed up for him to sign. He said he knew something was up when he got there early to check him email and they had already changed the password on his computer so he couldn't log in. My heart sank, I started crying and asked what the elders had said. The only thing he was told in the meeting was that they wanted to take the youth ministry another direction. They told him he could either sign the resignation letter or they would take other measures. There was no asking Jeremy if he could take the youth ministry in the new direction just an end to his work at there. He of course signed the resignation letter feeling that he had no other choice. They asked us to not have ANY contact with any one from the congregation for the rest of the weekend and then to not be at church on Sunday. We were floored! They also told him that we needed to turn in our keys that day and his office needed to be cleaned out within a week. We were mad, angry, hurt and VERY confused since we had no reason as to why. Jeremy had two reviews in the 11 months he was minister there and both were good! They told him he was the guy to take them to the next level. Sure there were a few things he could work on, but we all have areas we need to grow in. He was told several times in both reviews you are exactly what we wanted when we hired you! So it really made no sense going from you are great to you need to leave.

Four days later on Tues, the minister of the congregation came to our house to check on us. He was still in shock (Jeremy talk with him on Friday and told him, the elders told NO ONE until Sunday where all they said was Jeremy resigned on Friday). He did tell us that he had talked with the one of the elders and they told him it was nothing spiritual or moral. Which really made us wonder what their reasoning was. To make a long story (three months worth) short--he was doomed to fail before he began here last May. Basically all we have gotten from two elders we have talked to was that he wasn't the old youth minister. The first elder who came to talk with us the week after said they knew whoever followed the old youth minister was going to be the "sacrificial lamb." Those were the exact words he used. Jeremy talked with another elder yesterday and he said that they knew whoever followed "the other guy" (no names will be mentioned) was going to have a really tough job and probably wouldn't make it. He couldn't win for losing. The elders of the congregation had set him up to fail before they ever even hired him! How would that make you feel? He also had two moms who came to him screaming at him because he wasn't "the other guy". They told him to his face they didn't like him because he wasn't "the other guy".

There are so many more things that have gone along with this hurt and has crushed our hearts and our spirits but that is not why I am writing this. We have lost our church family through this. Many times when people lose their jobs they have their church family to rally behind them and support them. Not us, we lost that when Jeremy lost his job. The church in general is NOT happy about this decision and we know that. However, besides the one elder who came to talk with us the week after (he only came b/c he was unable to be at the mtg that Fri morning) not one of the elders has called to come by to check on us and see how we are doing. That hurts probably more than anything. The leaders of the church who are supposed to be concerned with their flocks souls and spiritual well being has not checked on us one time!

We have been attending a smaller congregation about 20 minutes away. Although they are a sweet church, I do not feel at home. Most of the time I lack any desire to even go. I am struggling so much!! I know a couple posts ago I talked about traveling a lot during June. We were on interviews for jobs and were blessed to see family during those travels. Out of the two interviews he has had (from the 50 resumes he has sent out) one of those has decided to keep looking and we haven't heard from the other one. It has been three weeks since the interview there and we are beginning to think that it is a no go as well. Most congregations aren't checking his references and once they hear he was let go, they don't call anymore.

I AM A PLANNER and I don't have a plan!!!!! This has been extremely hard for me to give this to God. I know he has something better for us somewhere but I would like to know where! It has been almost three months and both Jeremy and I thought he would have a new job by now. Jeremy is very discouraged! I couldn't say that enough. He was so great about the whole thing at first but the more time that passes, the rougher it is on him.

I really didn't want to share this on my blog. My plan was to blog when he had a new job and make it seem like God was planting us somewhere new and then I wouldn't have to get into this whole thing. But, the more time that passes the more I start to wonder if my prayers are hitting the ceiling. Is God there? Do I (Rachel and Jeremy and our sweet kids) matter to him? Why won't he answer with something besides a not right now? Does He remember that Madison starts school here on Aug 23rd and if we have to move I would prefer to do it before school starts? So my sweet friends who are reading this blog, I really need your prayers! Jeremy needs your prayers! Selfishly I would love to ask you to pray that God gives Jeremy a job today! But, I know the prayer I need is for patience that he will provide the right job at the right time and also that he will give us peace during the waiting process. Peace that will surpass all understanding and that will make us stronger in the end. I also would ask for you to pray that our faith grows through this instead of shrinking--even now through this waiting. I also ask that God will continue to provide financially through this time.

Please also pray for our children, esp. Madison. This hasn't really been hard on Emma or Joshua since they are still young enough but Madison- even today- asked when we were going to go back to "____"? It kills me every time I have to say I don't know. Most everyone there wants us to come back and still attend there while we live here, but the week after everything happened and the elder came to talk with us I asked him what I was supposed to tell Madison? She cried every time it was church time because we weren't going there and she wanted to see her friends. He told Jeremy and I that we could meet her friends at the park or have them over to play. There was no mention about it being okay for us to come back. So, please pray for Madison as even today she still has a hard time with not getting to see her friends.

I know I can't carry this burden alone. I need my Christian brothers and sisters to be praying for my family and especially for my husband. Thank you in advance for your prayers and support as we patiently await God's new chapter in our life.